What do some guys talk about while tailgating?

Most men are not very articulate when it comes to sharing details about a spouse’s health issue or expressing their affection for their partner. But, at the Meadowlands parking lot before last Sunday’s New York Jets football game, a friend of mine couldn’t be any clearer about his wife’s breast cancer or his love for her.

He went into detail about how her cancer was discovered and the surgery that followed. He explained the decision to undergo daily radiation therapy and forego chemotherapy. With some pride, he also pointed out the detailed log she kept of her ordeal and how impressed her doctor was for information that enabled them to chart the best course forward. He also described her subsequent feelings of fatigue and discomfort and insecurity.

“She was crying almost every day,” he told me. “There is no history of this in her family. Her doctor explained that it was probably nothing genetic, and it was not likely to have been caused by anything she did. It could’ve been caused by anything. We’ll never know.

“Sometimes she wonders, ‘why me?’” But, why not? It’s not something that happens just to other people. It could happen to anybody.”

He paused, puffed on his cigarette, and reflected on their lives together.

“We’ve been together for 33 years. This week is our 30th anniversary. When she gets really down, and wonders about my feelings, I tell her, ‘you’re the only woman for me until the day I die.’”

Although he is a Jets season ticketholder, this was the only game he planned to attend this year. He wanted to be with his friends and check out the New Meadowlands Stadium, but his mind and heart are with his wife only. By the time I returned home after the game, so were mine.

Bob Dylan, again

Last Sunday night at Monmouth University’s MAC center, I enjoyed seeing Bob Dylan in concert with my wife Noreen, sons Steven and Kevin, and friend Dave. It was the 15th time since 1975 I attended a Dylan concert – each of them in a different venue. If you’ve seen Dylan or any other performer 15 times, I’d like to hear about it, particularly if the shows were spread over many venues across a long period of time.

You never forget your first time, and for me it was on November 24, 1975, at the Hartford Coliseum. I drove three college classmates a few hours in a 1970 Thunderbird with worn tires to see Dylan perform with the Rolling Thunder Revue. My friend Patrice and I co-wrote an article about the evening that was published in the local Bloomfield, NJ weekly newspaper.

Three years later - three years before we were married - I drove with Noreen to Nassau Coliseum to see Dylan. From good seats on the side of the stage, she was quite taken by how he rocked. She earned a badge of honor 17 years later, though, when she stood on the hard floor of The Electric Factory for hours with me to see Dylan. I’ll never forget when Patti Smith, the opening act, joined Dylan on stage for a song and punctuated the performance with a kiss on his cheek.

I’ll also never forget the concert in Camden’s E-Center on July 28, 2000, the first time my two sons joined my wife and me at a Dylan show. My mind still retains the image of how excited my 9-year-old son Kevin was to see Dylan perform “Like a Rolling Stone.”

Five years later, I stood on a baseball outfield at Yogi Berra Stadium in Montclair, NJ through a couple of opening acts with my oldest son Steven, who just finished his freshman year at college, and Dave and his daughter just to be a few feet from where Dylan stood on the stage.

Following is my full setlist of Dylan concerts:
1975: Hartford Coliseum
1978: Nassau Coliseum
1981: Meadowlands Arena
1986: Madison Square Garden
1989: Waterloo Village
1995: The Electric Factory
1997: Garden State Arts Center
2000: E-Center
2003: Hilton Casino
2004: Tower Theater
2005: Beacon Theater
2005: Yogi Berra Stadium
2006: The Spectrum
2009: Blue Claws Stadium
2010: Monmouth University

You can never be too sure what you’ll see at a Dylan concert even though set lists are promptly posted on bobdylan.com, but fans attending the shows at New York City’s Terminal 5 next Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and the Borgata Hotel Casino in Atlantic City next Friday can expect to see the 69-year-old Dylan play guitar and harmonica more than he has in many years. Uncharacteristically, he may stand in the front of the stage holding a microphone and croon through a few songs. The songs from the past 15 years will sound fine, and 1960s classics like “Ballad of a Thin Man” will pack as much punch as ever. Oh, and Bob probably won’t take off his hat during the show, no matter how loud the applause.

She cried, privately in public

Penn Station. Thursday, November 4, 6:30 PM. Starbucks. I sit down, waiting for my latte. The distinct opening notes of Nilsson’s “Everybody’s Talkin’” play, but they’re immediately pierced by the sound of someone very near by starting to cry. I look up and see a young woman across the table from me, head down, muffin half-eaten, sobbing by her cup of coffee.

I look away, waiting for my coffee to finally be ready. Privately, in a very public place, she continues to cry. Then she seems to stop, momentarily. After getting my latte, I sit back down, and she begins to cry again. She doesn’t seem much older than my own children, and I begin to wonder. Did someone close to her die? Did her boyfriend break up with her? Did she lose her job?

I lean over and ask her, “Are you going to be okay?” She looks up, nods, and says, “I’m fine.” As I get up to leave, she looks at me and smiles faintly. I return the half-smile, and walk out to catch a train to Newark, where I will meet my son and go with him to a soccer game. Presumably, she collected herself shortly afterwards and moved on. Destination unknown, but hopefully a happier place.